EMPLOYEE..... "Certainly Not! There's No Proof Of It",
BOSS: "Well, There Is Now. After You Left Early Yesterday To Go To Your Uncle's Funeral, He Came Here Looking For You."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
A mother asked her young son, as they waited for the bus, to tell the driver he was 5 years old, because then he would ride for free.
As they got into the bus the driver asked him how old he was.
"I am 5 years old," said the little boy proudly.
The driver had a son of his own that age, and smiled, "And when will you be 6 years old?` he asked.
"When I get off the bus," answered the boy.
Question: "How To Kill An Ant??"
Asked In An Exam For 10 Marks!!
Student: Mix Chilli Powder With Sugar,
& Keep It Outside The Ant's Hole..!
After Eating, Ant Will Search For Some Water Near A Water Tank.
Push Ant In To It.. =!!
Now Ant Will Go To Dry Itself Near Fire,
When It Reaches Fire, Put A Bomb Into D Fire..!!
Then Admit Wounded Ant In ICU..!! =O
And Then Remove Oxygen Mask From It's Mouth And Kill The Ant.. !! =|
MORAL: Don't Play With Students.. !! They Can Do Any Thing For 10 Marks..