He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, and slowly tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom,
Unfortunately he misjudged the bottom step!. He tried to steady himself by grabbing the banister, but his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
The whiskey bottles in each of his back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled & stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Patton said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly .....
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!